OUR MOVES

The above image was downloaded from https://theconversation.com/we-asked-1-000-zimbabweans-what-they-think-of-chinas-influence-on-their-country-only-37-viewed-it-favorably-206381

…

Tindo and I steal the safe of our stingy Chinese boss easy peasy, but on our way out of his office, two dull-looking Chinese dudes are waiting for us by the door.

Busted.

Suddenly, they come alive making these cool martial arts moves. I have to hold myself back from giving them a round of applause.

While they are still going at it, we strive to display an indifferent look, to suggest that we are not scared. Tindo takes a step forward, a way of declaring he is the leader of our two-man gang.

He doesn’t look scared. I am scared.

I am scared, and right now it is an important task to not let that show.

Tindo sighs like a ghost and whispers to me, “Dude, these men are going to hurt us.”

Oh, boy!! My commander-in-chief has already conceded defeat!!

He goes on to whisper, “We’re men, I know. We can try to fight back…but dude, I know these guys. They have a TikTok account of martial arts.”

“I don’t think we thought this through”, I say something for the first time.

“I didn’t see the need,” Tindo retorts. “I didn’t know he had secret ninja guards.”

“Now what?”

“When was the last time you watched any Rush Hour movie?”

“Before they invented Netflix.”

Tindo sucks teeth. “Damn, that’s so long ago.” Me, too.”

We slowly begin to realise that perhaps it was rash of us to attempt to steal from the company, and the ancient saying “Actions Have Consequences” is going to live rent-free in our minds; in jail.

By now, the two Jackie Chan replicates are done showing us 12067 ways of how they whoop ass. Oh yes, I’ve been counting and I’m not that bad in Math. Not that it matters now, anyway.

But wait, maybe it will matter. In prison, I can count the number of my prison sentence days and cases of molestation…hopefully, they won’t apply to me.

Tindo rudely stops my train of thought down its lane.

“Let’s show them ‘our’ moves.”

I stare at him, “ Xcuse me? ‘Our’ moves? But we don’t know martial arts…or karate.”

Tindo firmly comes back in a tone that would have tickled the skull of Martin Luther King, “Who are we, Vincent? We are Zimbabweans. They’re Chinese. So let’s show them our Zimbabwean moves. They have shown us theirs, haven’t they?” Just follow my lead.”

Tindo stares at the Chinese duo, loudly counts, “1, 2 3” and screams, “RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!”