The Roof On Fire On Christmas

Why I love Christmas.

The Weather Report

The miserable marriage of a weather reporter.

The President (2)

The president is in his office, admiring the trees outside and his giant nostrils. He stands by the window, and takes in the fresh air gingerly through the nostrils. “It’s going to be a beautiful day,” he whispers to himself like a composed madman. His fingers feel his chin tenderly like a bank robber tenderly

The President

The president is angry, angrier than a mate-less gorilla. He walks into his office and steps in front of his mirror. He feels his chin to measure the growth of his desert beard. His chin feels like a dry wrinkled peanut shell. He gets even angrier.   “I want to smash something, Derrick,” the president

The Mystery Of The Fat Person

 Haven’t eaten in days. I’m hungrier than four passed-out slaves.   I haven’t eaten in a while because a fat person bended over in my face.  This left me in a fat state of trauma. I think I need to tell a professional person about what I saw.   Sure, everyone knows what humans look

Language Class With Me

Language class is in session. Right now, let’s talk about similes.   Aren’t they beautiful, like germs on a model’s shiny lips? I mean, it is possible for a hideous thing to acquire a desirable quality. Michael Jackson’s Thriller music video scares even the bravest sexually transmitted disease symptoms out of me. However, MJ’s presence

Why Donald Trump Lost The Elections

This is not a politically motivated post.   Just because you don’t like French fries doesn’t mean you’re racist towards French people. Maybe you don’t like French fries because your abusive foster parents loved them.   They hit you every day like a doormat, they tossed your birth certificate in the fire. They then had